Loneliness with a side of desperation

As I get older, wiser and more tattooed I start thinking about loneliness. Do you ever just stop for a second when it hits you out of nowhere and you say to yourself: Fuck, I’m lonely.

I can compare the fear of being alone to the feeling you get when giant massive waves crash and throw you down and you are fighting for your breath but your lungs slowly fill up with water and you panic even more with every passing second. It’s great.

I am writing all this because I feel that I am close to getting rid of all the prejudice society and the System has been feeding me these 21 years. I get lonely just like you do. And as my imagination is too sick I tend to exaggerate and make a bad situation even worse. By writing I make peace with my own demons.

 Look Fear in the eyes and spit in that motherfucker’s face.

But if you ever feel really really bad and you need someone to share your chosen vice with, I’m here.

I won’t judge you, I promise. Just not my style

I actually think that ‘loneliness’ is a modern fear. Of course even 500 years ago people felt lonely too but nowadays (just like everything else) loneliness has turned into a profitable fuel for the industry. And they, as in ‘they’ I refer to every Capitalistic bastard in the System, have a perfect target audience: scared, weak, depressed people of all ages who feel lonely.

I know girls who stay with their abusive boyfriends just because they are too afraid to be on their own and they think no one else can love them and care about them. We spend our entire lives looking for ANOTHER BREATHING HUMAN BEING to go with us to:

-          The cinema/theatre/museum

-          Disco/bars/night clubs/striptease bars

-          Concerts

-          Every motherfucking kind of EVENT on the Planet Earth

-          Vacation

When was the last time you heard someone say “Oh, hi, I just came back from a lovely time I spend ON MY OWN abroad in a hotel room FOR ONE”? I mean, come on people! Girls always go to the bathroom together so that they have someone to talk to, walk by, discuss the weather with. And what pisses me off the most is that I need to go the bathroom of the cafeteria with a girlfriend because it’s much nicer that way?! THE ONLY TIME when you have a legitimate reason for taking your best friend to the bathroom is when you need her to help you pee or hold your hair while you throw up in the toilet. I’m so not sorry.

Psychotherapy, pharmaceutical companies, drugstores, street hookers, liqueur stores, gun industry, porn industry – all of them profit from your misery. And You are the one who pays. Millions and millions of dollars pouring down the big fat throats of billionaire magnates who are right now flying on their private jets that they paid with Your money. Your local drugstore is more evil than Satan.

It’s all been carefully planned all these hundreds of years. Every feeling you get has been turned into a market goods that can be produced, sold and used. All against you. You feel happy? – You buy alcohol. You feel sad? – You buy alcohol. The happiest place on Earth isn’t Disneyland; it’s the 24-hour market on the corner.

You start walking a little faster than the rest and you turn back because you think they might not follow.

You make a right turn and they go left and you come back running to them because it’s scary on your own.

We are animals and we are a herd and you are the sheep who’s too afraid to separate from the convenient environment.

We are the terrified imbecile children always looking for mommy’s shoulder. The System ain’t your mother. She’s the evil stepmother who feeds you candies and candies until you are so high on chocolate and deluded happiness that you don’t feel a thing when she slits your throat.

If you’re an animal, be a wolf. Be alone and be a master of your faith. As cheesy as this sounds, it’s something many and many more of us won’t do: doing the things you want, the way you want it, whenever, wherever.

Here’s the new designer drug.

YOU ARE ALONE AND THEY DON’T LOVE YOU.

HATE THEM AND BE SAD

AND SPEND HUNDREDS ON PHYCHOTERAPISTS.

If that doesn’t work, for more information, please, press one for the closest liqueur store.

We are dependent.

They turned us into robots incapable of being alone.

Because when you are alone, you might start thinking and realizing some truths and they DON’T want that. 

They WANT YOU to feel lonely and sad and just NOT OKAY when you’re all by yourself because it makes you weak. It makes you buy antidepressants, alcohol, drugs. You don’t have anyone to call on a Saturday night? BAM, you’re alone, go buy yourself a bottle of the cheapest whiskey. Your friends didn’t call you to ask you how you are all day? BAM, no one fucking loves you, you’re a motherfucking waste of space.

I bet while reading this some of you already feel bad and are searching for the nearest phone, cigarette, glass. Tell me, darling, what kind of vice are you approaching?

I am a strong believer that humans are created to live together, help and love each other. But you can’t expect to live forever in a closed safe environment with familiar faces all your life. What are you, a fucking cow?! Do you expect to be fed, kept and cleaned in a cowshed? Well, if no, I’ve got some bad news for you, sunshine. The road gets rockier from here. Life’s fucking amazing and we’re the ones that fuck ourselves up pretty good. And that’s the best part. Because when you hit the bottom the only way out is the way up. Learn to be by yourself. Be your own best friend and you’ll never be alone. When you can walk next to your shadow in the dark like next to an old friend, that’s when you’ve made peace with yourself. Do your own bit of saving. Don’t expect a message from above, Jesus was an awesome hippy who died a long time ago and can’t help you; and Angel is the name of a hooker who gives 10$ blowjobs. Give yourself a break and don’t ask God for answers. Because that way if you fail, at least do it pretty fucking good your own way, like no one else can.