Queen Vessela discusses current events

Hey, people! We’re sorry we’ve been a little quiet recently but right now it’s mine and Zorrie’s exam session and we’ve been cramming like maniacs these past few weeks. We even can’t find the time to see each other or/and with Iva?! Such a shame…

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that in a bit we’ll be posting again regularly. This post is meant to be kind of an update on us AND (yes, capslock is needed) on the current events here/Bulgaria/the world. I always try to look on the funny ironic side of life and things because if I try to always be serious I’d rather just blow my brains out.

Here are my suggestions and interpretations on the current events:

Gay Pride parade in Bulgaria.

Suggestions: The gay guys should walk around the city hugging random men while wearing t-shirts that say “God loves us more than he loves you”. Also they get one of the gays dressed like Jesus with the long hair and beard and carry him on a big platform where he must dance and sing I will Survive.

Assumptions: I am almost positively sure that gays don’t give a fuck about society’s homophobic opinions. But if you – my fellow gays and lesbians – still have doubts how to feel towards these straight hateful jerks, remember: Heterosexual men are much more likely to end up alone, fat, hairy assholes who stay home every night – plus they sometimes can’t even get it up!

Church authorities want to ban topless women on beaches.

Suggestions: To be completely honest with you, I don’t take my bra off when I’m on the beach. Not because I’m against it but because my breasts are relatively small (while my ass is pure perfection). But I’d like to have the option to fry my tits under the sun whenever I want to. I suggest that if they forbid babes from showing their breasts on the beach they must ALSO ban babies from going to the beach. Oh, you say my tits are destructing your child’s morals?! Well your 5-year-old asshole of a kid is ruining my vacation!  Get him home and lock him in a closet or something for Lemmy’s sake!

Assumptions: Since when those church guys care for women’s bare breasts on the beach?! I thought they weren’t allowed to have sex. Shouldn’t they be happy when women flip those gorgeous boobs out to get a little tan?! Oh, I bet my seventh tattoo on the fact that priests and co. are hiding in the bushes looking at nakeyyy babes. So when am I going to Hell for that last statement?

Changes in high school’s syllabus about Literature.

Assumptions: I’ll cut right down to the chase.  Calm down, everyone, you all know that in 10 to 15 years your children will be studying my books and works. 

Suggestions: When are you giving me money and making me famous? I’m free next Monday.

Protests against the government & the Holy Government.

Actually it’s very hard for me not to get serious on that matter because it’s a serious issue and I love seeing all these people on the streets being united, intelligent and beautiful. But I can joke about the government because they are one big joke.

I bet Volen Siderov’s girlfriend is a 

gypsy transvestite with a bigger dick than his. 

They were seen together on an 

improvised wedding ceremony 

because you know… 

gays can’t marry in Bulgaria. 

P.S. This is so not photoshopped.

 

I have a few things to say about Plamen Oresharski:

1.       He looks so fucking bored.

2.       He smiles like a pedophile.

 

 

3.       I think he’s doing Meth.

I think that Mestan is the 

living embodiment of Saruman. 

Just look at the similarities: 

He has white hair and he’s an asshole. 

Unmistakable.

Conclusions: 

Gays are awesome and you’re a dick for hating them.

 Boobs are great.

 I am amazing. 

Politicians like it nasty.

FOR THE RECORD: 

If you wondered what my sexual orientation is: 

I am a Vessela-Sexual – 

I’d fuck everyone and I don't drink tea.

Unfaithfully yours, Queen Vessela.