Lovelist: Sloths

the words in BOLD are links

 

Shocking! – you may think. We’ve never heard Vessela talk about sloths. She has never even mentioned them. Did you know that it’s never really occurred to me that she likes them?!

Calm down, everyone! I’ve decided that my post in this column should be about sloths. It just had to be done. So I’ll show you (because I love you all so much) some amazing sloth-related awesomeness I found on the magical land of the holy grail – The Internet.

P.S. if you ever buy me some of those things I can promise you eternal love and gratitude and I’ll make you coffee every day – which in my religion is a very serious thing.

So I looked around ETSY also known as the website-with-the-awesome-stuff-i-can’t-afford-probably-created-by-satan and as usual I loved 209439848 things which I’d now share with you.

Without further ado I give you… sloths:

$20

     1.  You must have seen these babies on 9gag and imgur. These are Sloth Rings – motherfucking sloth rings, people! I would love to have a million of them but to be honest I would look like a crazy old lady with that thing on my hand. I’d probably just end up wearing them at home or at sloth parties. (yes there is such thing)   

$64.99

     2.   Sloth Metal Art Bookends – As a bookfreak, bibliomaniac and a future Publisher I can tell you without the slightest hint of a doubt – THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.  I mean can you imagine it – these are sloths that hang around your books. Actual sloths. This was probably invented by the US government to lure crazy bookfreaks like me into doing illegal stuff.    

     3. There are your usual sloth-babies-attire which are fucking great and I still wait for someone to buy me one of those. Here are some examples:    

• SLOTH Raglan Sweatshirt - $25
• Oh Snap Sloth - $38
• Womens SLOTH 2 (Live Slow)
• Sloth t-shirt - $25 

     4. Different varieties of sloth-necklaces. Pure magic:  

and this one I actually got as a present for my 19th birthday 
thanks to my lovely friends ($18)

• Happy Sloth Necklace - $49  

• Little Sloth Necklace  - $25.00+

• Sloth Necklace - Light Blue - $24.99 

• Mother and Baby Sloth Necklace - $34

• Tiny Sloth Necklace

$18

     5.      Another present from 

         my dear friends is this Sloth Backpack

    6.  Hipster Sloth Quote Poster Print: Welcome home, darling - $14: I actually didn’t expect to see this one but I instantly fell in love with it and I am actually thinking of buying one. 

    7.  Original Drawing "Sloth loves Wood" - $619.99: This is fucking genius. I am always in awe with people who can draw and paint but this is simply breathtaking. If you ever draw me a fucking picture of a sloth I’d probably die. Just die. Which means that even if you hate me (which you don’t cuz I am fabulous) you should draw me a sloth and that in that way – kill me. It’s a win/win situation. 

       8.  Iphone cases with sloths are probably the only reason I would want to buy an iphone. I’d be like “sorry I didn’t pick up my super expensive ass hipster phone cuz I’ve got a sloth on it.”. 

            (they all cost around $16)

IT’A  SMOKING SLOTH I CANNOT HANDLE THIS SHIT ANYMORE

• Phish Dolla Dolla Bill Sloth
• Dolla Dolla Bill Sloth in Slothfall
• Astronaut Sloth Dolla Dolla
• Dolla Dolla Bill Sloth World on Nebula
• Dolla dolla Bill Sloth Guitar Rockstar
• Dolla Dolla Bill Sloth Smoke Astronaut

$20

     9.  Le Sloth Fat-Fat Totem: This is some kind of a Buddha sloth souvenir thing and I have absolutely no idea what I’m gonna do with it but I am positive that I need it.

    10. Little Sloth Earrings - $50 : Sloth earrings to go with your necklace – that’s some fucking high fashion shit. 

      11. Fleece Sloth Pillow - $50: Make your inner child squeak with happiness.

    12. Huge Mug, Namaste Baby Sloths - $24: Well I'm a slow drinker (when it comes to coffee - alcohol is another thing) so you may say that I'm a sloth drinker. You heard it here first. I know I'm hilarious, thank you very much. 

     13. Sloth Family Vintage Eco Friendly Canvas Tote Bag - $17.95: Tote bags are amazing but tote bags with sloths are even amazingER - you can't go wrong with this.

     14. Gray Sloth Plush Toy: 

$24

This plush toy is also awesome but come on people this guy looks like he wants to fucking slaughter your whole family and then rape you – several times. I’d still buy it though.

I want to encourage people to continue making sloth-related awesomeness but I can give you some tips: 

• Sloth Bath Towel: how great it would be if you take a shower and wrap yourself in a big fluffy sloth-printed bathrobe or towel?
• Sloth laptop case: Gently hugging your precious computer you would carry it everywhere you go. 
• Sloth paper covers for books: This way every book will become a sloth book and people would think you’re a freak which is another benefit. 
• Human size sloth: Do I even need to explain this? 

If you have any ideas how to make/cover/turn everything else into sloths, share them with us. Or if you find something else which is sloth-related on the Internet, write it down below in the comments and we’ll love you forever.  

Unfaithfully yours, V.