I won't promise you anything...

I wouldn't spend the rest of my life with you
I wouldn't share my joys, my ups, successes...
I won't be the best you've ever had
nor will I be the strength you long for. 
I'll cheat; and beg; and bribe;
I'll waste your greatest years
and I'll make you regret.
I won't promise you anything
because I can't.
because every promise I have ever made turned into a flaming pile of ash.
---
so I won't promise -- I will whisper.
I'll whisper to your soul
words I'll bury deep into my own.
---
I'll spend my last good days twisting your world around
I'll share my insanity, my deepest fears and my wicked thoughts scaring you utterly...
I'll be the worst, most intense and memorable nightmare you've ever had
and I'll make sure you never forget it.
I'll spit words into your face as I try to paint you a picture about how you make me shiver;
I'll gladly gasp for air drowning in your eyes.
I won't promise you anything
because I can't.
because I don't need plans for an uncertain terrifying future
if you're here.

V.