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Once, not so long ago lived a strange boy. He
was a really nice boy: shy at first but when you spent a little more time with
him he turned into a wonderful company and everyone at the parties loved him.
This boy liked to tell jokes. He enjoyed making people laugh and he was ready
to make a fool of himself in front of a crowd if this would make only one
person feel better. He wanted to make people smile and they loved him for that.
The boy tried to help everyone in need and he wanted people to think fondly of
him as ’the boy who did good’ and people did love him for that. A lovely smile
was spreading on his face and warmth poured from all his being and all you
wanted to do was to go, give him a big hug and say ‘thank you for making us
feel nice’. It made you wonder what this boy’s dream was. Well let me tell you: this boy wanted to be hated.
Oh, yes.. strange but true his
desire for people’s hatred was something he couldn’t escape. When he met
someone he told them right away: ‘don’t love me, just don’t, you should hate me’.
And people were puzzled. Why is this boy saying these things? Who wants to be
hated?! Doesn’t every person crave for other humans’ affection?! But this boy
was extraordinary; he was not like other boys. He went through life with his
humble desires and good intentions but didn’t let anyone else see inside of
him. He was afraid of people – that they might hurt him; that they might leave
him; that they might actually understand what he thought.
And did he have a lot of thoughts! He
was so preoccupied with thinking about.. everything
that he had trouble sleeping. He was partially insomniac only in his case he
was always completely exhausted but when he went to sleep he couldn’t turn his
brain off and there were all these scenarios running in his mind which didn’t
let him rest. One day, again unable to fall asleep, while the boy was walking
in the middle of the night alone with his heavy thoughts, he heard a noise. A tiny
squeaking noise coming from a big pile of garbage. The boy came closer to look
for the thing that was making the noise. And there he saw it – a small ball of
fur, a little puppy with black and white spots on its back laying in the dirt. The
dog whimpered and tried to move around the trash but its small feet were stuck.
The boy kneeled and lifted the puppy which looked so small in the boy’s big
hands. The dog started licking his hands and curled tracing their warmth. The boy
decided to take the puppy back home with him.
The dog was washed, cleaned, dried,
fed and then put to sleep on a big fluffy pillow. Then the boy also went to
sleep. In the morning he woke up from something that was biting his fingers. He
opened his eyes and there next to his arms, trying to jump on top of him was
the little dog – now cleaned and happy. The soft sunlight was making its way
through the curtains and threw sparkling shimmers on the dog’s fur.
A great day for the boy and his new friend
began. They played all day, went for a walk, ate, ran in the park and barked at
pigeons. When it started getting dark they got home exhausted. The boy sat in
his chair and took the puppy in his lap. The dog rolled itself up into a ball
and looked his new owner with a calm and faithful look. The boy was smiling as
he was watching the puppy and suddenly something in his head snapped. It was
like a giant hammer putting nails in his skull. ‘What are you doing?!’ – he thought
– ‘You are getting attached to another living creature! That wasn’t the plan. You
should desire hatred. YOU should hate
me’ – he screamed at the little dog that was falling asleep in his lap. The puppy
woke up, stood on its feet and started wagging its tail. It looked straight in
the boy’s eyes. And the boy finally realized it. The dog’s look was the look of
something that would absolutely die for you at any time you tell him to do it. This
is the look of complete and utter devotion to someone. This is the look of
something that will love you no matter what you do, no matter how much you
screw up, no matter what you’ve done in the past. The boy stroked the puppy’s
warm fur. ‘So that’s what I’ve been missing all these years’ – he thought. Because
it is the same with people. You can’t expect them to hate you just because you
can’t stand yourself. It is true – people come and go. But there will be some people in your life that will stay no
matter what. And they’re the ones worth keeping. Because they don’t care about
your mistakes, they will be there for you to catch you when you fall, they will
be there to put you on your feet. No matter how much you want them to hate you.
They won’t. They will just stand idly by you. Until you reach out for them.
The boy slept for the first time
without waking up. A dog set him free.
V.
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